First off, happy October! My goodness, I'm so incredibly grateful that it is finally October of this crazy year 2020 that has become an adjective of all things gone wrong. So before I get into the next section of journals for my class, I wanted to take a break and just sit in the essence of October and relish in all of its fall glory. October always reminds me that I need to take a step back and be grateful for all the things that I can see God's hand in; the good, the bad, the hard, the easy, the beautiful, the ugly....all of it. This October I am especially grateful for the change in the color of the leaves, cooler temperatures, a cozy room to call home, my leather journal, my leather boots, freshly brewed coffee, friends to share it with, and those same friends who will sit down and have a deep intensional conversation with me. Out of all of those things I just mentioned, I think the conversations might be my favorite. Not having those deep conversations with friends during the earlier part of the year made me see, in a new light, how much value there is in those deep connections. Let me now get out of my October musings and into the new topics for my class. The literacy narrative portion is complete and we are headed into the argumentative writing portion. We've been asked to start small and just write what comes to mind when we hear the word "argument." So, journal #6, here we go.
When I think of the word “argument,” I think of political debates and apologetics. I envision courtroom scenes, and then of course there’s the image of little kids having a spat about whose turn it is or whose toy is whose. I think that often the word argument could have a negative connotation but I think it could also be positive. For instance, when one is showing their argument for a court case to prove one's innocence or laying out a list of facts to show why they believe what they believe, these would be what I would consider positive arguments. Certainly, there are negative arguments but when it comes to debates I feel that arguments can be healthy. It is a chance to hash out a topic and discover people's points of view. All that being said, I think that the word "debate" is a better word for positive arguments, but more on that later. That's all for now! Hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful weather and this amazing month we call October! Go put on your flannels, jeans, and leather boots, get a cup of coffee, go to a pumpkin patch and enjoy the essence of fall. It is wonderful.
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Journal #5 I often find myself focusing on the bad side of quarantine and all the hard things I had to deal with and face as a teacher, a student, and someone who genuinely thrives when I’m in community with friends. I think it is really important to focus on the positive things that came from the huge change that hit the world. For me, one of those positive outcomes was the fact that I got into a daily routine in which every single morning for about three months was exactly the same. I would wake up early, get some coffee, spend some time with the Lord, then go take a long bike ride. When I got back to the house I would get my workday underway. Creating those rhythms and sticking to them for three months allowed me to stick with some of them even now that things are starting to get busy again. I obviously can’t take a long bike ride every morning, and I definitely miss it, but the rhythm of getting up early, spending time with the Lord, getting some exercise in, and then getting the rest of my day going in a healthy way has stuck. I now wake up early enough to where I’m not scrambling last minute to get out of the door in the morning. I can get so much more done in a day when I get up early and have a good solid hour to just ease into my day instead of waking up late and running late for the rest of the day. If nothing else, I came out of quarantine with a new appreciation for a more simple, unhurried way of life. The hurry that I experienced before the quarantine was unsettling. The new rhythms I have set in place for every morning are grounding. Never underestimate the power of a good morning routine. A Literacy Narrative There have been many years in my life where I felt I was on top of the world and had it all under control. Even if I didn’t have things under control, I was on my way to fixing things and building myself a nice little platform of protection, safety, security, and comfort, all by myself. However, even though most things in my life never stay consistent for very long, the one thing that has always been consistent is the way the Lord destroys my platforms each time I feel like I’m finally placing the finishing touches on them—feathering my nest of comfortability if you will. This year has been another one of those hard years of the Lord pulling down my self-sufficiency platform and asking me to trust Him. At the beginning of this year, things seemed to be settling into a new comfortable normal. But then, one day I was on my way to school and all of a sudden this overwhelming feeling came over me and I somehow knew that something was about to change. I had no clue what it was. I just knew that it was something that was either going to drastically change my life or drastically affect someone close to me. I felt the feeling so strong that when I got to school I stopped and wrote down what I was thinking and feeling. I knew that I would want to remember that day…even though I didn’t know why. Less than a month later different things began to happen. Things that were strange enough for me to assume that I had gotten that weird feeling a month earlier because God was preparing me for this moment. But what I found was that it wouldn’t just be one thing that would happen that would change my life. It would be several things combined to leave my life looking 100% different than before. A few weeks went by, a few more changes happened and then one week rumors of something called the Coronavirus began to circulate. It was a bit of a joke on Monday, but by Wednesday there was talk at school of the things closing down for a week or two as a precaution but nothing was set in stone. Thursday morning there was more serious talk of closing down but that we would be notified. Only two hours later it was announced that all students had to be off-campus with all of their belongings by 5 pm on Friday, March 13th. The plan was to halt school until the following Wednesday and then continue online until after Spring break. Everyone was in a panic. In just a matter of days the words Coronavirus, COVID-19, quarantine, and social distancing were on everyone's minds. Grocery stores were running out of food, toilet paper, face masks, gloves, hand sanitizer, and thermometers. Because I didn’t have school, I and a friend decided to go to a local park to go walking that Saturday. There was a 5-K happening there that morning and everyone that ran by us was talking about “the virus” and “the shut down” and everyone seemed to be in a frantic panic. As we walked along the trail we came to the top of a hill that overlooked the valley. We paused a moment to take in the view, and I spotted a middle-aged man sitting on a huge rock at the edge of the river. He seemed so incredibly calm and peaceful--a drastic contrast to all the panicked conversation that was happening above him. I looked over at my friend and said “Do you see that man down there? He has it right. He looks so at peace.” She agreed and I didn’t think much more of him except the fleeting thought that something seemed different about him. Different in a good way. My friend and I kept hiking for a bit and then came to another lookout where we stopped to just soak in the views and chat then we headed back up the trail. On our way back I noticed the same man coming back from his perch on the rock. Right away when I saw him I was instantly again struck with the thought that there was something different and special about this man who seemed to be so completely at rest. He headed up the trail in front of us and as I watched him walk up, I looked over at my friend and said “that is that same guy isn’t it?” She said “yes” and I replied, “I think he is a believer.” It was obvious that we were thinking along the same lines and she looked at me and said “I believe in angels.” I wasn’t bold enough at the time to say that but there was definitely something unique about this man who seemed to have been able to block out all the chaos around him. He was, for lack of a better description, contemplatively resting. We ended up passing the man at the top of the hill because he had stopped to look at a historical monument sign. I turned around to catch one more glimpse of him before we left and to my dismay, he was gone. Nowhere to be found. In the exact place where he had been standing, another man was standing in different clothes and holding a camera. I looked around to see if he had gone somewhere else, but I couldn’t find him. He had vanished. There is no doubt in my mind that Saturday the 14th of March 2020, I saw an angel. Over the next several weeks I would think of the angel often. Wishing I had gone to say hi to him, talk to him, find out who exactly he was. But the biggest thing I thought about was the message that I believe the Lord was trying to teach me: Trust in the One who is working all things for good. Rest in the truth that He is in control and use the downtime that has been forced on the entire world to turn to Jesus for healing, sustaining power, patience, and growth. Reflect on and learn from the past, sit in the now, and allow God to speak in the quiet. Amidst the depressing, saddening, scary news reports that were being played in my house every night on the TV, as well as the explosion of posts about the virus on social media, my mind constantly returned to the picture of the man on that huge rock, looking so small, yet so comforting, restful, and peace-filled. Sunday, March 15th, we decided to have one final service at church before closing for what we assumed would be two weeks before reopening. It was a very unique service. There was a sort of hush and sobering atmosphere as if everyone somehow knew that this was way bigger than we could have ever imagined it would become. We only had a morning service and as I got in my car to leave I had no clue that it would be another thirteen weeks before we could have another service in our church building. Monday the 16th was great and felt like a pretty sweet deal. We had the day off school while the school tried to figure out how to do online classes and my bosses were trying to figure out what teaching music lessons would look like for both companies that I worked for. It was actually nice to be home and not have to go anywhere. I had been running 100 miles a minute for so long that my body, and yes, my soul needed to slow down for a break. However, as the week progressed it was clear through news reports, the reaction of people to the media, the empty grocery shelves, and the increasing number of cases and deaths, that my world had been turned upside down once again. Only this time was different. I knew that this was at least a big piece in the puzzle of change that I had felt coming. Though I hadn’t known specifics, I had sort of been expecting it. Because of the confirmation of God’s care for me and that constant reminder of the image of the angel sitting on that rock by the river, I was, for one of the first times in my entire life, ready to face this drastic change of every aspect of my life from a place of peace and rest. I knew that no matter what happened, the Lord was going to take care of me, I would be fine, and God was going to use this worldwide disaster to accomplish His purpose. My faith had found its resting place. It was no longer in the platform of comfortable normality I had built for myself, but it was in the safety and hope of Jesus. Journal #4 When I look back over quarantine, there are a few moments that stick out to me. They are small and seemingly insignificant, but they shaped a lot of my processing and thinking about the whole situation. These moments were when I realized how much I took for granted--Things like going to the store and being greeted with a smile instead of a face mask, going to a friend's house, giving hugs, and going to coffee shops. Seeing my students face to face and being able to get through an entire 45-minute lesson without hearing the words “you froze...” and then wondering what face I was making when the glitch happened… On the other side of that whole experience, I’ve come to appreciate all of those things a lot more. Especially being able to hang out with friends and go to coffee shops. As I’ve mentioned in previous journals, other moments of peace and calm made me realize how crazy my life had gotten before quarantine, which made me appreciate the ability to slow down. Then there were and still are moments when I look at the people who are still in a panic over the virus and have no peace or a sound mind, and it makes me grateful that I know my destiny. I know what will ultimately happen to me. There is no political upheaval, virus, media agenda, or lack of home goods such as toilet paper and hand wipes can change the fact that when I die I’ll go to be with Jesus. With Him there is no crying, no political unrest, and the toilet paper is probably triple-ply sheets of gold. Ok…that last part is obviously a joke, but I say all of that to say this: My life is currently starting to return to normal. I’m happy about it. Am I constantly surround by people who are scared to be near me? Yes. Am I currently wearing a mask when I go to work and school? Yes. But not because I feel they are necessary, but because I want to show care for other people. Do I think that the mask is doing much? I don’t really know, but I’m pretty sure my lungs get a little more damaged and the strength of my immune system weakens each time I wear one, but that isn’t the point. The point is to be considerate of the fear that other people are still living every day and show kindness. My prayer is that people will start to calm down a bit and just begin to live life again. Today I went to a park and saw a group of people all hanging out together with no facemasks, smiling, laughing, letting their kids play together, and climb all over the playground and it made my heart happy. That’s how God designed community to interact with each other. Not over a screen, but in person. Those in-person, face-to-face moments are my favorite...espeically when there is coffee involved. Journal Entry #3 There were several things that I learned during the quarantine. I learned what it means to be still. I came to know a new level of the Lord’s care for me and His faithfulness to me. I learned a lot about myself and realized how much I’ve changed over the past few years. I learned a lot about the inner workings of my family and began to realize, on some level, why we do what we do, say what we say, respond the way we respond, and relate to each other the way we do. I could probably write a whole book on some of this stuff. It got deep to some degree. It was uncomfortable and sometimes painful. But the Lord used that discomfort to grow me in my relationship with Him and with my family. Most recently, as we've been slowly resuming some form of normalcy and schedules are starting to fill up to full capacity, I'm realizing that I was/am just WAY too busy. When life slowed down because of quarantine my schedule became simpler. I didn't feel rushed. Though I was busy doing school online and still teaching lessons online, I had cut many things out of my schedule and had time to sit and breathe. With school starting back and jumping back into teaching full time in addition to the aspect of half of my life being virtual and the other half being in person, I'm driving even more than I was before. I find myself stressing out about assignments, music to be learned, time schedules to keep. About a week and a half into this new schedule of mine, I realized why I had been so miserable over the past three years. I remember having a conversation with a teacher of mine about my schedule, and I remember expressing that I was so busy that I literally had every minute of my day planned out and there was always something that I had to be doing. The teacher responded by telling me that it was a good thing to be busy and that I would be a better person for it. Somewhere deep down I knew that there was something wrong with that statement. Now, after spending four months living life much more simply, I know that he was dead wrong. Yes. It is good to have goals. Yes. It is good to have a schedule and rhythms. But, I'm finding that the overcrowded schedule I once had was unhealthy. The current schedule I have is on the edge of unhealthy. I told a friend just the other day that I am realizing why I was so unhealthy, had fringing nerves, and hardly ever felt awake. It is all because of an over-busy life. To put it succinctly, the biggest thing that I learned during quarantine is that life could be much simpler. All the busy tends to put our relationships with people and God on the back burner. Even from the beginning, God designed a day of rest. In the world in which we live, that day of rest has somehow gotten lost. In turn, relationships with people get damaged, and hearing from the Lord becomes more difficult. Satan loves to use our business to his advantage. If we are too busy to spend quality time with the Lord and to fill our minds with His truth, Satan has the upper hand in our daily battle against the world. So here's to an uncrowded schedule, taking a step back, saying no to unnecessary hustle and bustle, returning to a more simple way of living, and having time to breathe and be thankful for the little things God has given us. |
About Me
Hi! My name is Bethany. I'm so glad you've stopped in at my little corner of the internet! By way of introduction, I am a wife, musician, teacher, coffee lover, baker, nature lover, writer, and most importantly, I am a follower of Jesus. I'm super thankful that the Lord has given me this little outlet to share some of the things He has taught me, things that have inspired me, changed me or just gotten me excited about living life. My prayer is that what you read and see here will be an encouragement to your heart, bring you joy, and maybe even inspire you! Archives
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